430: Looming death

Our family received bad news from Malaysia yesterday. Our grandmother's time is drawing near. My mother is able to take the news calmly, because she has already mentally prepared herself months ago. I hadn't expect it to be so soon. I am weeping as I write this post, because death in the family is my biggest weakness, it saddens and terrifies me more than anything.

Whatever conflicts or unhappiness at work or among friends, any unpleasantness going on right now is at the back of my mind. The only thing that is occupying my mind is my grandmother, I want to go back and see her for the last time, before it is too late.

I envy those who have their family close to them in Singapore. It's at times like this when all you want to do is to run over to see them, be with them, for the last few precious moments. But they are so far away.

I came home last night and saw my ma watching TV, but she rubbed her swollen and red eyes when she saw me, at once I knew that my mother is not as strong as I thought. I myself cannot imagine my own mother dying. I can feel the pain that my mother is feeling.

I cannot stand the solemn and dark air in the house.