Out of the blue...

Something horrible happened on Tuesday. After lesson ended around 4.30pm, we went to the front to sign our attendance. Our lecturer was sitting at his desk watching us sign our attendance when suddenly his face looked funny, and his eyeballs rolled upwards. He was around a metre in front of me so I witnessed everything clearly. He then went into spasm and I thought he was having a seizure. But he looked as if he was having trouble breathing. A China girl called out, "Teacher! Teacher!" and some of them struggled to remove his tie so that he can breathe better. This was when it started to get scary. His head then rolled to the side and he almost fell off his chair. Some people helped him to lie on the floor and got his bag to support his head. The China girl then called out to him, “老师！老师，有没有药？”Our lecturer then started mumbling but his words were incoherent. One student put her finger in front of his nose and another one on his neck to make sure that he was breathing. But I think he stopped breathing after a while because a guy started doing CPR and breathing into his mouth. After around 5 mins they were still trying to revive him but there was no response. His face had turned purple and I knew it, there was no hope. A couple of girls cried.

I was scared. Scared shitless. My heart was thumping and I was thinking, "Oh no, oh no..." I was fearing the worst. Somebody had called the ambulance earlier but I didn't know when it arrived cos my friend said to me, “我们帮不上忙，我们先走吧。” and we left. I was trembling from head to toe whereas he was so calm. I am glad we left early because I don't think I would be able to hold it if the worst had happened and I had seen the paramedics had to cover his body with that white cloth... Everything happened so fast. I tried to tear my gaze away but I couldn't help but stare. I saw everything. From the way his eyeballs rolled towards the heavens and he started twitching until the guy doing CPR on him... I think that image is going to haunt me for quite some time. I called the bf afterwards and told him what happened. I collected my thoughts and tried to calm myself on the bus but I was still trembling when I went home. His twitching face kept popping back in my head. It was when I blurt it out to my ma that I burst out crying. I was freaking out so bad. I got so hysterical. I called the bf again and he consoled me.

Went to school the next day and learned about everything else that I didn't know. The atmosphere was so sullen the moment I stepped into class. I guess everyone was still reveling in the horrors of the day before. Our Business Econs lecturer gave us a little talk. She wanted us to "forget the way he died, but remember the way he lived" and for us to wipe that image off our minds. He was 47 when he died of a heart attack and stroke. I don't know which one came first. The ambulance arrived a little late. They were unable to revive him too. The school's manager and another guy came and told us the same thing, about what happened, and his funeral will be on Saturday. I don't think I will want to be there. It will bring back all those memories. They have decided not to let us use that classroom anymore and I'm grateful for that.

It was after this incident that I realised that life is so fragile, until the point of freaky. It was like anyone can just drop dead in front of you anytime. Literally drop dead. I have never in my life thought death could happen right in front of my eyes. And at that time, it was so sudden, too sudden. Death can happen at the moment when you least expect it. There's no hiding from the Grim Reaper. Not unless you kill him before he snuffs you out. I couldn't sleep that night, that image keep flashing back in my head. I think I won't be able to erase that scene from my mind anytime soon.

I thought that the guy who did CPR on him was brave. He knew he was already dead, yet he still breathed into his mouth to try to revive him. I wouldn't be able to do that. I was panicking a little, but calm enough to be able to look for help. But after the whole thing, after a while, I will just break down. Death is so unavoidable. When your time is up, you have to go. I realise now I'm fucking scared of dying.

Shoeless

I was soooo motivated. I wanted to go running so much. But after searching high and low for my running shoes, I found that my sis had thrown them away. What the fuuuuuck.

Sunday Chomp Chomp Night

So I went to meet the girls for dinner on Sunday night. Despite my poor stomach, I had to go cos I haven't seen them for such a long time. It was fun. Here are some pics.

Big feet and bus rides

Went to meet him again yesterday, as usual, he's my weekend indulgence. (: Read and read in the library and then went for dinner. Not-so-nice coffee shop Jap food. Then we walked around for a bit. Saw a shoe shop. Wanted to buy a pair. I tried on the largest size but it was a little tight. I remember thinking why have they got shoes this small. Then my next thought was, "Why are my feet this big?" I remember my always telling me I had big feet. She called me Big Foot Girl in hokkien. I'm just glad she's stopped now. It's kind of depressing. Anyway, I didn't buy any, seeing that they have shoes this small (I insist on sticking to this theory).

Then I took a long bus trip home. I suppose people would ask me why wouldn't I want to take the MRT or something. But the thing is I enjoy taking long trips. I guess it sort of started since young. It was comforting and carefree sitting in the car for 4 hours on the road, on the way to Malaysia. I don't think much about road accidents. Just the occasional panic whenever the bus driver swerves to avoid hitting another car. Anyway, back then as a kid I don't think of road accidents. It's bad. We're lucky the public transport in Singapore is so good. You even get to watch TV in the bus. Name me 5 countries with TVs in their buses. You can't. Well, I enjoy bus rides mostly because I like the feeling of... moving. As in you're just moving along nicely, though not on your own feet or whatever. I do most of my thinking in buses, I like looking out the windows at people going on with their daily lives. In MRTs you don't really see a lot. Either things are moving too fast or there's this blackness outside the whole time. In buses I think, listen to music on the IPod, do a bit of reading, or daydream. It's quite nice. But at times I use to think too much, and when I get off the bus my mind gets a little fuzzy. Like, "Where is this? What the fuck am I doing here?" I like bus rides. There was a time I got on a bus just for the sake of it. I didn't have anywhere in mind. Then I felt a little stupid and got off the bus and crossed the road and went back. Yeah, it was a little stupid. I dunno what's the obsession with this bus trip thing. But I like it. That's me. The loony me.

How much should Ethan eat?

My ma and cousin got into quite a knot last night. Before they came and fetch him back, my ma suggested that he had a bottle of milk, since the last time he had one was 5pm, and it was 7.30pm then. He had his milk every 3 hours, in my house. Whereas at his place, his folks let him eat only once every 4 hours. Because they went to see a doctor, and the doc said the baby was eating way too much, that he should cut down. So obviously, the parents heed the doc's advice (who doesn't?). But on the other hand, my ma strongly believes that a baby should have a bottle at least 3 times during the day (I agree). But after listening to the doc, the parents only let him eat twice during the daytime, on the weekends when he's not over.

I dunno who to listen to, the modern logic (the doc), or the traditional logic (my ma). You see, milk formula is actually not that filling. It's only powder and water. Liquid food. The baby pees maybe 3 or 4 times, then the bottle of milk is out. He'll be even hungrier if he poops. In my opinion, just let it be lor. He eats less at home, he eats more over here. I just hope nothing bad will result because of this.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Watched Pirates of the Caribbean 3 yesterday. I think it was okay. He thinks part 2 was better. Dunno if there will be a part 4 or not. I feel the story doesn't end there. Still, it was a typical Pirates movie. I felt Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan's marriage on board the ship while fighting was a tad dramatic. Somehow after the whole thing we felt sleepy and went home early.

Yesterday

Took this video of Ethan yesterday. That's me in the background, going "Ethan... Ethan... Ethan..."

Then I had fun with his pacifier. I washed it with his detergent of course. It tasted of bananas. Okay, I ought to stop posting videos and pictures of this little boy. It's making me a pervert. I'll stop posting when he's 10. And I'll start posting again when he's 18. Haha.






I'm really starting to love the Channel 8 9pm show. I cried last night when Wen Wen told his ma the truth, that the fucking bitch gave him all those bruises. It's stupid how people can get blinded by love. That's really bad, how the family fell apart like this. I loved how the couple bicker over little things, but not to this extend. I can't believe how the guy can still ask that woman if she beat the kid. That's like asking a serial killer if he's murdered someone. What the fuck. Aiyah, but it's just a show. Hahaha.

This one week break

Somehow time is passing quite slowly. I'm just helping around the house and with the baby, reading my novels and finishing up my assignments. Have more or less completed them. Pirates of the Caribbean 3 opens tomorrow and I'm going to watch! (: YESSS!!!!! "Welcome to Singapore!", says Chow Yun Fatt. That's crazy.

Home videos of Baby Ethan

He may look like a pro here, but actually I gave him a little shove, behind the scenes.

Another update

Am feeling bored. Woke up early again this morning. I don't like having the luxury of lazing in bed. You'll never find me doing that. There's just too many things to do other than sleeping! Sleeping's a waste of time.

Having a one-week break. Dunno what I'm going to have to do with myself. Everybody's busy with school, whereas I'm the most carefree one. My school hours are Apple Tree hours. Going have to finish up with my assignments. Going to read a lot. Going to spend more time with this little boy that we have learned to love. (:

Update!

Nothing much to update, really. Life has been so-so.

Completed Final Fantasy last night. I mean, almost completed, cos I didn't defeat the final boss. I dunno, I just didn't feel like slaying him. The bf pointed out that once I have a new game, I'd chuck everything aside and just spend all my time on the game. I didn't notice it but yaarh, I just realised. I mean, I completed an RPG game in 4 days. I played it the whole of yesterday. The PSP was attached to my hands all day except when I had to eat, to help with the baby, and to pee-wee and take a shit (for which I attach a book to my hands). Now that I've completed the game, I feel hollow. Somehow.

The baby is learning fast. He's smart. He already knows how to bash at the buttons on his musical toys. He'll be 4 months old this Thursday. (:

Yesterday's ongoings!

Yesterday my baby came over to fix his old DVD drive to my computer. And brought along a new Final Fantasy 1 PSP version! New game to indulge in! Thanks baby! (: It was kind of funny the way he carried the baby. He carried the baby facing his face, and the baby sneezed in his face. And the baby still couldn't balance his head properly and kept leaning forward so it looked like the baby was trying to kiss my baby. Humph. But I'm glad my ma was happy to see him again. (:

My aunt (baby's grandma) came after he left, to see her grandson. And at night my cousin came to have dinner here.

And I skipped school. =)))

I'm HOT!!!!

I can't stand the heat! I fucking hate Singapore's weather!!!!
ROOOOOOAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!!!

Simon? Siglap?

I grew up in a Chinese-speaking family who tries hard to speak English. But now only the old ones aren't that great with the language. Well, me and my sis can jabber away all we want but they don't understand a single thing. I think my Ma can catch a thing or two but my Pa won't understand nuthin'. One evening, I was looking at 小杰's (小杰 sounds much nicer than Ethan or 凯杰) little tufts of baby hair, and I remarked on what funny hair he has. Then my Ma suddenly said, “你看，他也有 Simon。”I was like“Simon? 什么 Simon?”Then she went, "Neh, Simon lor," and pointed to his SIDEBURN. Orh....

Another evening, my Pa came home from work. He sort of smiled like he remembered something, and muttered something that sounded like 'Siglap'. I heard it and asked, “什么 Siglap？ Siglap Road arh?” He carried on muttering, "Siglap, siglap," and walked away. I pondered for some moments then finally understood and shouted, "Orh... SHUT UP!!!"

Haha. What funny parents I have. I learnt my Chinese from them, but learnt English in school and the countless episodes of Power Rangers and Seseme Street. Seriously, if you want your kids to start talking like Americans with slang, make them watch Seseme Street.

Lose it!

I've decided.

I'm going to lose that spare tyre I've lovingly had for so long. Going to start by doing sit-ups everyday. Yay me!!!! (:

Update!

Nothing much. I took the right choice to start on my assignment early and not hug the Buddha's leg at the last minute. One day he might not let me hug his leg. Well, the lecturer went and said that if we didn't start now, we might not have enough time to complete it. After that, I went home and started on it, and within 2 hours, I was almost finished! I'm doing an assignment on Singapore Press Holdings so all I've got to do left is to go down there and take a couple of photos of the building and add in what I still haven't wriiten. Anyway, most of what I've already done was copied and pasted from the website. I is smart. =)))

As usual, yesterday met the bf and went to the library. He's going to be busy from now on cos his business is starting up. When his website is completely done up, I'll put in his website's link and all of you please go check it out! And please everyone, please recommend to your friends and relatives so he'll make money and I can have a good life. (:

Anyway, I really have this bad habit of borrowing more novels when I haven't finished reading the ones I borrowed earlier. Now I have around 5 or 6 novels waiting to be read. I is happy. =))) Novels sound more grown-up, storybooks are for babies. Haha.

Shibye?

Today in class the tallest Korean guy in our class started saying 'shibye' to a China guy. He was like, "Shibye!" The China guy went, "Shibye?" I thought they were saying 'cheebye'. Then the Korean guy said "Shibye is FOOK YOU!" In Korean. Orh...

我要活得快乐，
我要活得匆足，
我要活得精彩！

Something to think about

If at first you fall on your face the only acceptable response is to pick yourself up, refluff your hair, and go on bigger and better than ever. Wallowing in self-pity, or, worse yet, apologizing, is unacceptable. Even acknowledging that you bungled something is beau-coup unacceptable. It shows weakness, and being weak is far far worse than making a mistake. Moreover, if you hold your head high and you navigate a blunder carefully, most people will forget that you ever made one.

Material World

Today we had an enjoyable Econs lesson. We laughed quite lot when our lecturer told us about her conversation with her cousin. Our lecturer said they were out having lunch when the cousin looked at my lecturer's $100+ watch and said, "Peggy! Why do you still have that watch? You should buy one of mine.", and she pointed to her own Rolex. My lecturer thought that was kind of rude and asked, "Hey, what's the time now?" The cousin looked at her Rolex and said, "11:30." And my lecturer went, "Hey! Mine says 11:30 too!" She meant that she bought her watch to tell the time, while at the same time implying that her cousin uses her Rolex for something else altogether, which is, to put it bluntly, to show off.

I think the material world is so shallow. Living in a well-to-do country like Singapore, you see these people everywhere. LV bags, Emporio Armani suits, Gucci sunglasses... Some buy just because they can afford it. Others buy because they want to seem as if they belong to the upper class, even if they can't afford that branded bag but went ahead and spent that month's salary on it, and after that tightening their belts. These products are used to symbolize their positions in society. I think only the very rich people should spend their money on these luxuries. For example, this rich guy not only wears a Rolex, an Armani suit, but also drives a BMW and live in a high-end condo. People will think he's indeed very rich. As compared to this girl who lives in a lousy HDB, takes public transport, spends very little on food, but carries a Gucci bag. People will think she's shallow. That she's trying too hard to fit in the upper class society.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is a societal problem.

Global Warming

I've been watching Channel News Asia's documentaries on global warming. It's only now that I'm starting to get a little worried. I stress on the word 'little' cos I think most people think the same way, that global warming is a slow process, until the Earth becomes deep fried with the Sun's deathly rays, most of us will be long dead. But the process is speeding up. It's kind of scary, you know, the fact that most people don't give a fuck about the Earth they live on. In maybe 20 - 30 years, the sea level will rise by 7 metres. And that's quite a lot, you know, living in a country like Singapore. Go check out the Singapore River, that's the sea level.

Global warming is caused by the thinning of the ozone layer, which is the layer of atmosphere which blocks out most the heat emitted by the Sun. Now there's already a huge hole in the ozone layer, and this is causing the Earth to heat up. The icy cold places like the North Pole and Antarctica are heating up, too, causing the ice to melt rapidly. And the shocking thing is, this might gradually lead to the extinction of polar bears. The animal lover that I am, well, I love polar bears. Anyway, with the ice melting, which means that there are less ice, which means that polar bears can no longer wait at ice holes in the ice for seals to come up and breathe. See, seals use these holes to breathe, and that's when polar bears grab their chance and seize their meals. With less ice around, polar bears have to go into the icy water to catch seals now, resulting in more excercising and less food for the bears, resulting in polar bears getting thinner, resulting in extinction, cos skinny female polar bears can't give birth. And they are really getting slimmer! I mean, polar bears used to look to fat and cuddly and furry right. Now they just look long. Long and skinny. That's sad.

If you think you're not contributing to the warming of the Earth, you're wrong. Almost everything we do contributes to global warming. Turning on the lamp, washing our clothes in the washing machine, driving home... Everything. The Earth is heating up gradually, every minute, every second. And it's so... inevitable.

Here's how it all started...

I dunno why I felt like writing this. Maybe it's to remember how we felt at the beginning. We've been going on strong for 1 year and 2 months now. Here's the story of how me and my baby started: Two lonely people log on to IRC. We chat and kept in contact. After a while of knowing each other I realise his then relationship wasn't going too well. It was when he went with her to Taiwan for a week, that I realised I love him. In fact, I loved and missed him so much then, I wanted him go get back RIGHT THEN. I remember the night he was due back, I went out to my workplace to seek some company. I was waiting for his phone call while I peeled 60 century eggs with 小宏 and 小康. Then my phone vibrated on the kitchen table and 小康 went, "电话！电话" I quickly grabbed the phone despite my hands smelling of century egg and I've been so happy ever since. Anyway, a few days later somehow his relationship ended. Then I took the courage and met him. Things went slow. I found it hard to get use to. Him being much older. I was 16, him 28. But our relationship eventually improved. We had our first kiss in the Asian Civilization Museum. We sat on a bench to rest our legs. That's when his face came close. After that we both looked up at the same time and saw a security camera pointed straight at us. Then we walked away quickly. Although there has been ups and downs, I'm glad to say there has been mostly ups.

The most horrible times I've been through with him, I must say, was the week he spent at Taiwan, his two weeks of army at Australia, and that moment when I felt really lost. Other than those times, everything's been great. He's nice and thoughtful and kind and friendly and knows a lot. But he has a weird temper. But his weird temper shows up rarely, thank God. Yes, so that's the story. I love you, baby.

Complain!

I am complaining cos I thought he was going to meet me today,
but he went and agreed to meet his friend later on today.
Then I tell him I want to go Botanic Garden.
Then he tell me it's actually called Botak Garden.
If we go there, there will be monkeys chasing us and pulling our hair,
therefore we will all be botaks.
And there is a Loch Ness Monster in Botanic Garden.
-.-"