Update

It's the time of the year when I'm the most lonely.. Again. The bf's gone for reservist. 2 weeks without him is more than I can bear. He reported back to camp on Monday and on Sunday night when we were talking, I chanced upon the picture of me and him and I almost cried. I think I rely on him too much. But I can't help it. :( The only upside is I lent him a phone without camera so we can still communicate. And I can get to see him on Deepavali. There, that made me feel better. :)

Work is okay.. The pay is little but how much can I ask for in this service industry? Not much. Work has been kind of fun lately cos there's a girl working in the Operations department who looks a lot like me.

Looks a lot like me right? That made me a couple of more friends at work. Haha.

Update

Can't think of why I've stopped blogging. I used to love blogging so much, I blogged EVERY SINGLE DAY. Now I blog maybe once a month (doh!). I think I've lost the urge to record down the bits and pieces of my life, I just let the days pass as they go.

Today is an off day. 3 off days actually. Then it's back to work on Sunday. Work is going pretty well. But am seriously dreading the arrival of my cert and then having to look for another job and adjusting to the new surroundings and people and stuff. I don't like changes. Never.

Ethan is sleeping just beside me now. I'm typing really really quietly. Cos if he wakes up he'll be yelling at me to pick him up -.-".

At only 18, I think my mind has settled down. Once the relationship has gone on for quite some time and everything is steady, you start to plan your future.

Am thinking about our prospective home,
costs of renovation and furniture,
number of kids,
car or no car?,
and how long do we need to save the money for wedding business.

I'm seriously looking forward to all of that.
I want it as soon as possible. (:

Finally an update... After a long long time

Urm. So I've finally decided to blog and not abandon this page for any longer. Because right now I have nothing to do and trying to waste time until the chatting time with the bf, but actually I have clothes to be folded and organised and the latest Harry Potter book to be read but I can't stand the sight of my messy and disorganized bedroom and I have had enough of reading Harry Potter and friends running around trying to avoid Death Eaters and the Ministry of Magic people and mourning Albus Dumbledore's death and thinking of a way to kill Mr Voldemort.

So... I'm blogging.
Urghh. I hate typing.

Right now my life revolves around the bf, my family, Ethan, and the Singapore Zoo.

Nothing much to update actually. Same old boring life with everything in between. Ethan is around 8 months old now and don't ask me to post his photos cos I'm lazy but I'll do it anyway.

Work and more work

I've been working my ass off.
Can finally relax this weekend, and next week it's back to working and working and more working.
The supervisor made me do cashiering on my own yesterday.
And I'm glad that everything went very smoothly.
Very very smoothly,
so much so that I had even more energy after work from all that reliefness and gladness than I was in the morning.
AND....

PAYDAY IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!
I is happy.... (:

Update

I've been busy working. Have worked 6 days by now and earned around $300. Starting to get the hang of everything and the staff are more friendly towards me now. (:

NDP '07

So yesterday me and my sis went for the NDP. Somehow we managed to get tickets even though I thought we wouldn't but eventually my cousin managed to get 2 for us. We headed out around 2:30 and reached there around 3pm. We sort of lost our way a little and had to navigate around many many people looking for the correct way. -.- We got there around 3 plus and thank God there wasn't too many people around so we went in straight.

We had to go through security check points and all those metal detector shite. We put our bottles and metal stuff like keys and whatever in a plastic bag and I put my bag through the conveyor belt thing and walked through the metal detector door-like thing and it beeped. The female police touched my pocket and sort of sniggered and said, "I think it's your buttons."

I looked at the amount of people gathered there and couldn't help thinking what a great spot it would be for terrorist attacks. 2 bombs and that's it. Okay lor. I'm a person who thinks this way but I shouldn't write that hor? Who cares. It was what I was thinking then.

We had blue tickets so we were to sit at the blue sector. We joined the queue and waited to be sitted. I couldn't help thinking how forcefully cheerful and enthusiastic the ushers were. Or maybe they were trained this way. Okay, thank God somehow we ended up sitting quite in front. Although not so in front. But better than the ones in the middle or way at the back.

We waited and waited. Nothing to rid us of boredom except the sun constantly shining in our eyes and on our arms and backs. I had 2 sunburnt arms at the end of the day. Around 4 plus there was a show on those dudes on bikes who drive up 3 metre high ramps and perform a stunt and zoom back down to earth not caring for their lives. They were Australian dudes. Then the 5 hosts came out around 5pm and blah blah blah until 6pm when the show officially starts on TV and that's when it gets started.

I think if you read all of the above reflections on the NDP you would think that I was pretty bored throughout. But no, I think this year's was way better than last year's or any other year's. Obviously, the best performance of the day was the fireworks, which was a whole one minute longer than last year's.

I think with this year's change of venue they had to change some other things as well, like national day songs. I think they were kind of horrible. I prefer the authentic versions and the original singers.

Yes, and the show went on and on and it ended at around 8pm. We then braved the crowds and squeezed through bodies and I called my cousin (she and her husband's godsis' daughter went with her) and agreed to meet her at Marina Square. Then we braved the crowds and squeezed through bodies yet again and got lost at Marina Square again but ended up at our meeting place, a little short of breath. Then we went down to the basement carpark and my cousin drove us home cos she had to pick Ethan up from here too.

Overall, an enjoyable but exhausting day. (:

Here are some pics.
(Sorry lor, I use my N70 to take these photos and they suck. I guess I need a proper camera.)


















Psst, me and the bf are planning to go on a cruise this December, anyone want to join us?!!!

First day at work

Yesterday was my first day of work at the retail shop in the zoo. The amount of travelling time was shite. Anyway, I reported to the supervisor and she briefed me on some of the things I was supposed to do. Work was okay, actually, except that yesterday a lot of stock came in and most of the time I was stick price tags and stocking items. I had to bend and stand bend and stand for some time so my knees were killing me. And they kept asking me to tie my hair and I said no I will go back and cut. So I've got it cut. One of the guys Najip came over to ask me to get a rubber band to tie my hair. He reminded me of Jimmy back at the dimsum restaurant. Jimmy was fierce so I think I may be wary of that Najip for quite some time.

At the end of the working day I feel satisfied that I've spent my day gaining something.

Am going for NDP later!
I can't wait!!!!!!!! (:

Update

I've found a part-time job at the zoo with the help of Huiling. Might as well earn some cash during this idle period waiting for my certificate. Went for the interview yesterday. Everything went smoothly. But dunno when am going to start work. Can't wait for work to start. Life is getting boring.

Rockson Is Back!

Rockson Takumi Tan's blog is back in business!!!!
It's been one year.
Pls don't read his blog if you are sensitive to vulgarities.
His blog is verrrrry vulgar.

I have come to the end of the 1st phase of my life.
It's time to step into the 2ns part of my life:
THE ADULT WORKING LIFE.

I'M ONLY 18!!!!!!

Pregnant Mentally Disabled Girl

It was in the newspapers not long ago. Something bad happened around here.

There's a mentally disabled girl, aged 18, living around here. She got pregnant. Nobody knows who did it. Apparently they've found out, I dunno how, but there are 2 suspects. 2 old uncles. 2 days ago the police came and brought them away. One of them was bailed by his daughter. The bail was $5000. The other one, I think he's still inside. He's not married. He lives only upstairs. He's my Pa's friend. I used to hear them say he pays to get laid. I dunno how else to put it, he looks for 'chickens'?

The girl's mother was thinking of selling the baby. But who would want to buy this kind of baby, right?

Anyway, the baby was born. My Pa says the baby looks just like the one who is still in jail.

I dunno what to say. No comments. But it's interesting living in this neighbourhood.

Moody Me

I miss my friends. I miss my old work place. I miss the people there.

I want to change myself. I want to blend in. Instead I stick out like a withered flower in a rose bush.

I am not working hard enough.

I'm worried about my health. I want to change things quickly. He says it takes time. But I don't want that.

I am scared for my future. One wrong step and I may regret it. But nobody is supportive enough. I don't know how to make decisions myself. If I go the wrong path I will blame myself forever.

I miss him. I dreamt of him. But I can't face him. Not like this. I don't think I can ever face him again. Not when he's so nice.

Heeelp.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix yesterday. As expected, it was: fucking fantastic!!! But the movie missed out a couple of things. Like the journey Hagrid took to visit giants, and how come all of a sudden Harry and Cho Chang kissed.

Live Earth

I think the Live Earth concerts thing is great. You know, to raise awareness on the dangers of global warming. Watched a bit. I enjoyed the performance by Bon Jovi.

I don't think it will make a big difference, you know. I mean, of course people are aware of the greenhouse effect and global warming and whatever. But... it won't make no difference if we go, "Alright, yes, global warming, we've got to recycle our rubbish and use less electricity and less plastic bags.", but not do anything. I guess we take electricity and plastic bags for granted. It's there, so we use it. I pay for my electricity, I can pay it, who cares about global warming?, that sort of thing.

I think for this thing to work, we've got to have recycled toilet paper and recycle bins and 10 cents charges for plastic bags everywhere. You know, to sort of enforce it. I already am helping. I go around the house switching off the lights and unused electricity, and I'm not using the computer much nowadays, this can save the earth, and money.

I think out of the whole sch-bang of this global warming thing, the only thing that breaks my heart is the polar bears. They are now known as Skinny Polar Bears. If this goes on, they'll be extinct in the next 100 years. They should be considered endangered animals by now. Something should be done to help them.

SAVE THE EARTH!
SAVE THE POLAR BEARS!!!!!!!!

Dilemma

I want to get a Degree!!!!
I think.
But....
I have no money!!!!
ROAARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nearing the end of my school life

2 weeks left of lessons, and a one-week study week of preparation for the final exams. It would probably the last exam I'm ever going to go through in my life. Am starting to doubt if I'll ever go on and get a degree. But maybe I will. Urgh.

These 2 years in MDIS was okay. It wasn't that bad, actually. The only bad thing about going to school was the constant nagging thought of my paying a large sum of my ma's money in order to continue upgrading myself. There are a few of my Diploma classmates who are still remoduling their Diploma modules, and whenever I see them I smirk secretly to myself and think, "See? I've already got my Diploma cert, why you so slow?"

I guess the reason I can't let myself fail the exams is because I can't afford to pay more money to retake the exams or remodule. After all, I'm still living off my parent's money. AND I JUST HATE HATE HATE IT.
Not having your own income is like, helplessness. You can't do anything yourself. If you need to buy lunch you still have to ask your ma for money, and it's... fucking urgh. Anyways, soon I'll be making my own money.

I see the rich kid in my Diploma class, he's so different from me. Whatever he wants, he only have to open his mouth and he'll get it. His dad earns more than $30K a month, and that sum alone can feed so many many mouths. Maybe the only good thing about your parents being rich is you can have a good life. And probably when you turn 18, a car will magically appear in front of your door step with a huge ribbon tied on top and a card bearing the words 'HOORAY! YOU ARE 18!'. I've never dared to think of the same fate happening to me, and I don't even know if I'll be able to afford a car or not.

I hate thinking about money. I guess rich people don't have to daydream of striking the lottery, huh? The money is just... there. Like air.

Received my Diploma cert

Finally received my Diploma cert, after waiting for a good 6 months or so. There was actually some problem but the guy managed to clear that up and we got our certs. The bad thing is the results are printed there too, and I must say it isn't a pretty sight.

A few weeks left until the end of my Advanced Diploma, going to have to start deciding my perspective career and start on the resume.

Am not liking it at all.

It's too fast. TOO FAST!!!!!

My neighbourhood

I've lived in this neighbourhood all my life, all 18 years of it, and yet I still do not know what I think of it. It is convenient: 5 mins walk from bus interchange and MRT station, neighbourhood schools all around, 2 wet markets nearby, coffee shops, provision shops, fruit stalls, pet shop, foot and full-body massage shop, physician, clinics, bubble tea shop, a tailor, hairdressers, and a mini-market downstairs. Sounds pretty good? Yes… except for one thing.

My neighbourhood is kind of noisy. But exciting all the same. Many things happen around here, be it thefts, suicides, drunken fights,

I was having lunch when I heard a commotion coming from next door. Not surprising, really. Once every few days they fight. But it’s been kind of frequent; their last fight was only last night. Next door lives a married couple and their 4 year old kid. There is a big age gap between the couple, I think maybe 15 years, even more than me and my baby. She’s from China. He couldn’t get himself a wife so he flew there for one. And you know China women are… Some are okay, like the China housewife living an apartment away, but some are… you wouldn’t want to pick a fight with them. She’s younger than my baby, around 2 to 3 years younger, and her husband’s 40 plus, going on 50. He’s around the same age as her step-mother, you know (There was once the China step-mother came over to be with her grandson, the China woman was actually worried about her husband hitting on her. >.<). I believe they don’t have much in common, except that they share a child and a flat and are legally bond to each other.

Anyway, so the fight started with some very loud yelling. The woman being the loudest. She’s always the loudest. She’s loud. The man started shouting back. Then things were being thrown around. And some banging of furniture. Then a kid crying and, “Mummy… Daddy…” My ma went to the door to listen properly to what they were fighting about. Came and told me it was about the husband reaching home earlier and not boiling the water and washing the dishes and stuff. Things about his Laziness (Last night’s was about the wife talking to the husband and the husband not answering her, he was busy watching telly. The funny part was when the wife said to the husband, “你siaow啊!”, the kid went “Siaow啊!”).

The kid was always the innocent party of the fights. When the mother got tired of yelling at her husband she yelled at the kid instead. The mother treats the kid well of course, but there are bad times, too. She scolds and hits him quite a lot. But the endearing part of it all are the moments when he says to his mother, “Mummy, 我爱你.” (Yes, he says them loud enough, even I can hear from next door.) There are times when the mother is busy, she wouldn’t answer him. And the kid would repeat his declaration again, and receive a “Yes, Darling, I love you, too.”

I can write a book on the family next door. I bet I can write a whole series of books about this neighbourhood.

Understanding the older generation

Last night when it was me and my ma at home, she told me of her fun days years ago. She told me when she was younger, she and her friends would pay $5 to go on a tour to Singapore. She told me they would go to many many places in Singapore, and somebody would ask her to get 10 people to go on the tour, so that another person would have the chance to come to Singapore for free. Of course she was that lucky person. Then she said she'd spend her money on shopping and food instead. She said when my pa was courting my ma, he would bring her to watch opera. And many times my aunts would tag along, and he would have to pay for all of them. And opera tickets weren't cheap in those days. And my pa wasn't very happy for paying extra and the 'lightbulbs'. That made me laugh.

It's hard to understand older people, sometimes. It's harder to imagine what they were like in their prime days, in a totally different place and environment. Nowadays kids play with their latest high-tech gaming machines, in the olden days our parents made toys for themselves. In the past, things were much simpler.

Adults keep a lot of things to themselves. Many times I wonder about the countless things I still do not know about my parents. My parents both have a significant scar on their bodies each. She told us about her scar on her leg. It was when she was young, she went out to feed the ducks, fell and cut her leg on a piece of glass. She told us about the scar on my pa's ass, too. She said when our pa was young, he was mischievious, just like any other boy. One day, he climbed his neighbour's rambutan tree to pluck rambutans, but was chased by the neighbour's dog and bitten on his rear end. That was kind of funny, too.

You wouldn't imagine them when they were young, what they were like. The moment you stepped into this world, you only know the adult version of them, you've never met them when they were children. The reason of them being around was to care and nurture you, to shape you into the person that you are today. You would sometimes... take them for granted. As if... they are supposed to be around.

I guess we don't think about such things. I dunno why I wrote this, too. I think it was the tiny bit of closeness which I felt for my ma when she tells me about her past. Each time I would get this feeling. It's like being welcomed into their world, into their past, the past we do not know about.

Wedding on Sunday

My Pa and sis have gone to Malaysia for a cousin's wedding on Sunday night. They should be at the bus terminal at Kallang now. Wished I could go too. But it's just for a wedding, it's kind of a hurry to rush there and back again.

Was busy the whole of yesterday. Last minute decided that I had to add a some things to my HR assignment. Figured I wasn't going to do well anyway, so what the heck, one more page of rubbish hoping to gain some marks won't hurt.

Then my computer got infected with some serious spyware. Tried removing it with anti-spyware software but was unable to. So I had to reformat my computer. Again. Spent a few hours on it.

Read in Blinkmummy's blog (see links) that she got her Honda Jazz, so lovingly named it Xiao Bai, but her 'Good Fren' didn't want her to modify it. I think once in a while her 'Good Fren' is going to have to drive it, and it won't be nice to see a bloke driving a girl's car. Makes me wonder when am I going to get my own car, or even will I get one. Made me think how much Blinkymummy earns a month so she can own a Honda Jazz, although it isn't a very expensive car, but if added in all the costs of fuel and parking fees and servicing fees and stuff, it's not the same story anymore, is it?

Update

I regret to say that I haven't been blogging recently. This week has been spent unmeaningfully. I have spent my time on the PSP replaying Final Fantasy 1. And this time round I played all the bonus dungeons and I just ended the game with levels 70 plus. So many days of my life spent on this brainwashing machine! The bf has been complaining that I'm spending too much time on it, and not giving a hoot about my Econs class test next week. Okay okay, I heard you. Now that I'm done I can fully concentrate on studying, though the test isn't a big deal, really.

Baby Ethan just turned 5 months old. His flipping over is as quick as ever. He has just accidentally bashed his head into my ma's head, and is crying his little lungs out. I have learnt to change diapers! I changed his diapers for him yesterday, and am proud of the results. Not too tight, not too loose, and not too uncomfortable for him. And I can carry him the way mothers carry their children. I think I'm almost qualified to be a mother now, except that I haven't tried bathing him and helping him poop and wipe his ass.

He's an adorable little guy. Wherever he goes, people just like to stop and pinch his cheeks and kiss him and whatever. And he's at his cutest when he's asleep. I'm lucky to see him grow a little everyday. It's kind of nice.

The weather

When it rains, it pours. Yesterday went to meet the bf, and he was drenched from the waist down, even though he had an umbrella with him. It makes me remember maybe around 6 months ago what the heavy rain did to my relatives back home.

Not feeling very bloggy these days. Don't really much to write about. Going to be quite free this week. It's another one week break. This is the last one week break I'm going to have in the school. When the school reopens plus a few weeks I'm going to have my exams again, and the end of the exams signals the end of my MDIS life.

Update

What the fuck is wrong with the school. I came to school early in the morning and sat there waiting for the lecturer to arrive. Half an hour passed and he's still not arrived. I was thinking something must be wrong. Like the other time we waited an hour until 2 guys from the office came up and told us our lecturer fell sick, last minute. Okay, so we waited. Then I heard from someone that our student coordinator didn't give out the new time table. And that actually there should be no class this morning. What the fuck.

Received my exam results from last term. I got a D and 2 Bs. That's good enough cos this time round we have to study for all 3 modules at once.

Went to buy running shoes with my sis yesterday. It was hard to look for shoes, with the unfortunately largeness of my feet. I should have bound my feet when I was little, or something. Anyway, it was a hard time, as usual, ever since I was small, shoe shopping was always a hard time. I have size seven and a half feet. Sometimes eight. Ahh, but managed to buy an okay-looking pair that I could fit in at $39.90. There was a sale going on, and most of the shoes left were small sizes. So I guess I'm not the only one with big feet. (: Then after that I went running.

The Replacement

The replacement lecturer was okay. I think he teaches better than the late one did. He gave homework too, and that's a good thing, cos most lecturers won't give a shit on giving homework. It will be one more work to do. He teaches and we understand and he asks questions, which is what we hate. Other than speaking a little too fast sometimes, he's okay. I realise I've got to buck up, actually. I haven't been paying attention or studying since the start of this term. In a private institution, it's all last minute catching up. (:

Skin problems

Took a look at myself in the mirror this morning and saw that there are some holes in my face. I ought to do something about it, fast. I fear that they may became the beginnings of skin problems in the future. But of course, treatment for the skin requires money, which is what I don't have. In a few months time I may have the money to do something, I just hope that it won't worsen too quickly. In the meantime I'm doing research on how to improve my skin, or maybe slow down the deterioration. ):

Broken Spectacles!

I broke my spectacles yesterday.

I was in a hurry cos I was going out to meet the bf, and I quickly cleaned my specs and I realised it was a little loose so I tried bending it to make it tighter. I bent it way too hard and it broke into half. It broke right at the center. I sort of panicked, cos I was rushing for time. I ran out of my room screaming that I broke my glasses. Then me and my ma went downstairs and got a new spectacle frame. I only had to wait for 15 minutes to get it done and spent only 20 mins to make a new pair of glasses. It's not very very nice but I think it suits me better than the previous one. The uncle gave me a huge discount cos three quarters of my family get our specs from him. Cos he's the nearest spectacles shop, you know. The second shop to the left of the elevator. I hate that I had to use my ma's money again.

I want to go home

Usually around this time of the year I'll be at Malaysia. But not this year. For one, I've got no time off from school. Second, it's the baby. For the first time in my life I'm unable to see them during June. That's so sad. Sad sad sad.

Update

Just got back from school actually. We used that classroom. The classroom my lecturer died in. Didn't really feel spooked or whatever. I guess I'm over the trauma already. I just didn't think about it, that's all. Yeah. They let us choose if we want to continue having lessons in that room, as normal, or if we feel uncomfortable they can arrange for us to have our lessons in another room, but the bad news is we would have to go to Dhoby Ghaut. Most of us chose to resume our lessons in that classroom, except for 2 Indonesian girls. I guess they still feel uncomfortable. Well. My POM lecturer saw that there were quite few students present today. So he sort of joked, "Why so few people today? Scared of me, is it?" My friend joked back, "Scared of something else." No one laughed.

Ethan just went off. He's learnt to roll over pretty fast. But he can only roll over to his right, and he can't roll back. So he always get stuck on his stomach, until someone flips him over. He's going to be teething soon, cos he's chewing on his fingers, instead of sucking on them.

Dreaming of getting rich

Lately I've been thinking about what I would do with the money if I were to become a sudden-millionaire (by means of lottery or inheritance that I do not know of). So here are 12 things I will do with my new found richness:

1. Purchase a piece of land and build the house of my dreams.
2. Buy a golden retriever.
3. Get a MBA. (In case, you know, if I suddenly don't have any money left, I can still get a well-paid job).
4. Buy the car of my dreams (unknown, preferably a Mercedes).
5. Go for slimming sessions & facials & pedicures & manicures.
6. Stock up on wardrobe.
7. Hire maids & a gardener & a butler (but not a chauffeur, I would like to drive my car myself. What's the use of buying myself a car and let someone else drive it?)
8. Give my parents some money.
9. Give the bf some money to open a shop.
10. Get braces and cap my teeth.
11. Start being charitable.
12. Get married.

Yes, I love dreaming about the impossible. But it makes me quite happy. (:

Band Of Brothers

I'm currently watching Band Of Brothers. I'm lucky I wasn't born a male during the World War era. I wouldn't have survived. I probably would have shot myself, anyway.

Being "well-known" in your neighbourhood

I hate it that your parents are well-known around the neighbourhood, you know. Well, I've lived here all my life, we are bound to have many friends. But to the extend that even the coffee shop vendors know I am the daughter of my father without first introducing myself to them... I got a bit sick of it, actually. I used to go down and buy lunch or breakfast or whatever and the woman selling fish ball noodles will go, "Ah Soon eh char bor kia arh?" Then she will smile at me in a way that as if she's known me all my life when I only know her as "the fish ball noodles auntie". Then everyone will look at me. Then I will nod, grab my purchases, and run off. It happens every single time, no matter how many times of the week I go. It's scared me, and everytime I want to go down I send a representative, my sis. I think she's sick of all that unwanted attention too, of being called "Ah Soon eh char bor kia". Not that we're not proud of being Ah Soon's char bor kia, of course. It's just, well, embarrassing.

Out of the blue...

Something horrible happened on Tuesday. After lesson ended around 4.30pm, we went to the front to sign our attendance. Our lecturer was sitting at his desk watching us sign our attendance when suddenly his face looked funny, and his eyeballs rolled upwards. He was around a metre in front of me so I witnessed everything clearly. He then went into spasm and I thought he was having a seizure. But he looked as if he was having trouble breathing. A China girl called out, "Teacher! Teacher!" and some of them struggled to remove his tie so that he can breathe better. This was when it started to get scary. His head then rolled to the side and he almost fell off his chair. Some people helped him to lie on the floor and got his bag to support his head. The China girl then called out to him, “老师！老师，有没有药？”Our lecturer then started mumbling but his words were incoherent. One student put her finger in front of his nose and another one on his neck to make sure that he was breathing. But I think he stopped breathing after a while because a guy started doing CPR and breathing into his mouth. After around 5 mins they were still trying to revive him but there was no response. His face had turned purple and I knew it, there was no hope. A couple of girls cried.

I was scared. Scared shitless. My heart was thumping and I was thinking, "Oh no, oh no..." I was fearing the worst. Somebody had called the ambulance earlier but I didn't know when it arrived cos my friend said to me, “我们帮不上忙，我们先走吧。” and we left. I was trembling from head to toe whereas he was so calm. I am glad we left early because I don't think I would be able to hold it if the worst had happened and I had seen the paramedics had to cover his body with that white cloth... Everything happened so fast. I tried to tear my gaze away but I couldn't help but stare. I saw everything. From the way his eyeballs rolled towards the heavens and he started twitching until the guy doing CPR on him... I think that image is going to haunt me for quite some time. I called the bf afterwards and told him what happened. I collected my thoughts and tried to calm myself on the bus but I was still trembling when I went home. His twitching face kept popping back in my head. It was when I blurt it out to my ma that I burst out crying. I was freaking out so bad. I got so hysterical. I called the bf again and he consoled me.

Went to school the next day and learned about everything else that I didn't know. The atmosphere was so sullen the moment I stepped into class. I guess everyone was still reveling in the horrors of the day before. Our Business Econs lecturer gave us a little talk. She wanted us to "forget the way he died, but remember the way he lived" and for us to wipe that image off our minds. He was 47 when he died of a heart attack and stroke. I don't know which one came first. The ambulance arrived a little late. They were unable to revive him too. The school's manager and another guy came and told us the same thing, about what happened, and his funeral will be on Saturday. I don't think I will want to be there. It will bring back all those memories. They have decided not to let us use that classroom anymore and I'm grateful for that.

It was after this incident that I realised that life is so fragile, until the point of freaky. It was like anyone can just drop dead in front of you anytime. Literally drop dead. I have never in my life thought death could happen right in front of my eyes. And at that time, it was so sudden, too sudden. Death can happen at the moment when you least expect it. There's no hiding from the Grim Reaper. Not unless you kill him before he snuffs you out. I couldn't sleep that night, that image keep flashing back in my head. I think I won't be able to erase that scene from my mind anytime soon.

I thought that the guy who did CPR on him was brave. He knew he was already dead, yet he still breathed into his mouth to try to revive him. I wouldn't be able to do that. I was panicking a little, but calm enough to be able to look for help. But after the whole thing, after a while, I will just break down. Death is so unavoidable. When your time is up, you have to go. I realise now I'm fucking scared of dying.

Shoeless

I was soooo motivated. I wanted to go running so much. But after searching high and low for my running shoes, I found that my sis had thrown them away. What the fuuuuuck.

Sunday Chomp Chomp Night

So I went to meet the girls for dinner on Sunday night. Despite my poor stomach, I had to go cos I haven't seen them for such a long time. It was fun. Here are some pics.

Big feet and bus rides

Went to meet him again yesterday, as usual, he's my weekend indulgence. (: Read and read in the library and then went for dinner. Not-so-nice coffee shop Jap food. Then we walked around for a bit. Saw a shoe shop. Wanted to buy a pair. I tried on the largest size but it was a little tight. I remember thinking why have they got shoes this small. Then my next thought was, "Why are my feet this big?" I remember my always telling me I had big feet. She called me Big Foot Girl in hokkien. I'm just glad she's stopped now. It's kind of depressing. Anyway, I didn't buy any, seeing that they have shoes this small (I insist on sticking to this theory).

Then I took a long bus trip home. I suppose people would ask me why wouldn't I want to take the MRT or something. But the thing is I enjoy taking long trips. I guess it sort of started since young. It was comforting and carefree sitting in the car for 4 hours on the road, on the way to Malaysia. I don't think much about road accidents. Just the occasional panic whenever the bus driver swerves to avoid hitting another car. Anyway, back then as a kid I don't think of road accidents. It's bad. We're lucky the public transport in Singapore is so good. You even get to watch TV in the bus. Name me 5 countries with TVs in their buses. You can't. Well, I enjoy bus rides mostly because I like the feeling of... moving. As in you're just moving along nicely, though not on your own feet or whatever. I do most of my thinking in buses, I like looking out the windows at people going on with their daily lives. In MRTs you don't really see a lot. Either things are moving too fast or there's this blackness outside the whole time. In buses I think, listen to music on the IPod, do a bit of reading, or daydream. It's quite nice. But at times I use to think too much, and when I get off the bus my mind gets a little fuzzy. Like, "Where is this? What the fuck am I doing here?" I like bus rides. There was a time I got on a bus just for the sake of it. I didn't have anywhere in mind. Then I felt a little stupid and got off the bus and crossed the road and went back. Yeah, it was a little stupid. I dunno what's the obsession with this bus trip thing. But I like it. That's me. The loony me.

How much should Ethan eat?

My ma and cousin got into quite a knot last night. Before they came and fetch him back, my ma suggested that he had a bottle of milk, since the last time he had one was 5pm, and it was 7.30pm then. He had his milk every 3 hours, in my house. Whereas at his place, his folks let him eat only once every 4 hours. Because they went to see a doctor, and the doc said the baby was eating way too much, that he should cut down. So obviously, the parents heed the doc's advice (who doesn't?). But on the other hand, my ma strongly believes that a baby should have a bottle at least 3 times during the day (I agree). But after listening to the doc, the parents only let him eat twice during the daytime, on the weekends when he's not over.

I dunno who to listen to, the modern logic (the doc), or the traditional logic (my ma). You see, milk formula is actually not that filling. It's only powder and water. Liquid food. The baby pees maybe 3 or 4 times, then the bottle of milk is out. He'll be even hungrier if he poops. In my opinion, just let it be lor. He eats less at home, he eats more over here. I just hope nothing bad will result because of this.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Watched Pirates of the Caribbean 3 yesterday. I think it was okay. He thinks part 2 was better. Dunno if there will be a part 4 or not. I feel the story doesn't end there. Still, it was a typical Pirates movie. I felt Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan's marriage on board the ship while fighting was a tad dramatic. Somehow after the whole thing we felt sleepy and went home early.

Yesterday

Took this video of Ethan yesterday. That's me in the background, going "Ethan... Ethan... Ethan..."

Then I had fun with his pacifier. I washed it with his detergent of course. It tasted of bananas. Okay, I ought to stop posting videos and pictures of this little boy. It's making me a pervert. I'll stop posting when he's 10. And I'll start posting again when he's 18. Haha.






I'm really starting to love the Channel 8 9pm show. I cried last night when Wen Wen told his ma the truth, that the fucking bitch gave him all those bruises. It's stupid how people can get blinded by love. That's really bad, how the family fell apart like this. I loved how the couple bicker over little things, but not to this extend. I can't believe how the guy can still ask that woman if she beat the kid. That's like asking a serial killer if he's murdered someone. What the fuck. Aiyah, but it's just a show. Hahaha.

This one week break

Somehow time is passing quite slowly. I'm just helping around the house and with the baby, reading my novels and finishing up my assignments. Have more or less completed them. Pirates of the Caribbean 3 opens tomorrow and I'm going to watch! (: YESSS!!!!! "Welcome to Singapore!", says Chow Yun Fatt. That's crazy.

Home videos of Baby Ethan

He may look like a pro here, but actually I gave him a little shove, behind the scenes.

Another update

Am feeling bored. Woke up early again this morning. I don't like having the luxury of lazing in bed. You'll never find me doing that. There's just too many things to do other than sleeping! Sleeping's a waste of time.

Having a one-week break. Dunno what I'm going to have to do with myself. Everybody's busy with school, whereas I'm the most carefree one. My school hours are Apple Tree hours. Going have to finish up with my assignments. Going to read a lot. Going to spend more time with this little boy that we have learned to love. (:

Update!

Nothing much to update, really. Life has been so-so.

Completed Final Fantasy last night. I mean, almost completed, cos I didn't defeat the final boss. I dunno, I just didn't feel like slaying him. The bf pointed out that once I have a new game, I'd chuck everything aside and just spend all my time on the game. I didn't notice it but yaarh, I just realised. I mean, I completed an RPG game in 4 days. I played it the whole of yesterday. The PSP was attached to my hands all day except when I had to eat, to help with the baby, and to pee-wee and take a shit (for which I attach a book to my hands). Now that I've completed the game, I feel hollow. Somehow.

The baby is learning fast. He's smart. He already knows how to bash at the buttons on his musical toys. He'll be 4 months old this Thursday. (:

Yesterday's ongoings!

Yesterday my baby came over to fix his old DVD drive to my computer. And brought along a new Final Fantasy 1 PSP version! New game to indulge in! Thanks baby! (: It was kind of funny the way he carried the baby. He carried the baby facing his face, and the baby sneezed in his face. And the baby still couldn't balance his head properly and kept leaning forward so it looked like the baby was trying to kiss my baby. Humph. But I'm glad my ma was happy to see him again. (:

My aunt (baby's grandma) came after he left, to see her grandson. And at night my cousin came to have dinner here.

And I skipped school. =)))

I'm HOT!!!!

I can't stand the heat! I fucking hate Singapore's weather!!!!
ROOOOOOAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!!!

Simon? Siglap?

I grew up in a Chinese-speaking family who tries hard to speak English. But now only the old ones aren't that great with the language. Well, me and my sis can jabber away all we want but they don't understand a single thing. I think my Ma can catch a thing or two but my Pa won't understand nuthin'. One evening, I was looking at 小杰's (小杰 sounds much nicer than Ethan or 凯杰) little tufts of baby hair, and I remarked on what funny hair he has. Then my Ma suddenly said, “你看，他也有 Simon。”I was like“Simon? 什么 Simon?”Then she went, "Neh, Simon lor," and pointed to his SIDEBURN. Orh....

Another evening, my Pa came home from work. He sort of smiled like he remembered something, and muttered something that sounded like 'Siglap'. I heard it and asked, “什么 Siglap？ Siglap Road arh?” He carried on muttering, "Siglap, siglap," and walked away. I pondered for some moments then finally understood and shouted, "Orh... SHUT UP!!!"

Haha. What funny parents I have. I learnt my Chinese from them, but learnt English in school and the countless episodes of Power Rangers and Seseme Street. Seriously, if you want your kids to start talking like Americans with slang, make them watch Seseme Street.

Lose it!

I've decided.

I'm going to lose that spare tyre I've lovingly had for so long. Going to start by doing sit-ups everyday. Yay me!!!! (:

Update!

Nothing much. I took the right choice to start on my assignment early and not hug the Buddha's leg at the last minute. One day he might not let me hug his leg. Well, the lecturer went and said that if we didn't start now, we might not have enough time to complete it. After that, I went home and started on it, and within 2 hours, I was almost finished! I'm doing an assignment on Singapore Press Holdings so all I've got to do left is to go down there and take a couple of photos of the building and add in what I still haven't wriiten. Anyway, most of what I've already done was copied and pasted from the website. I is smart. =)))

As usual, yesterday met the bf and went to the library. He's going to be busy from now on cos his business is starting up. When his website is completely done up, I'll put in his website's link and all of you please go check it out! And please everyone, please recommend to your friends and relatives so he'll make money and I can have a good life. (:

Anyway, I really have this bad habit of borrowing more novels when I haven't finished reading the ones I borrowed earlier. Now I have around 5 or 6 novels waiting to be read. I is happy. =))) Novels sound more grown-up, storybooks are for babies. Haha.

Shibye?

Today in class the tallest Korean guy in our class started saying 'shibye' to a China guy. He was like, "Shibye!" The China guy went, "Shibye?" I thought they were saying 'cheebye'. Then the Korean guy said "Shibye is FOOK YOU!" In Korean. Orh...

我要活得快乐，
我要活得匆足，
我要活得精彩！

Something to think about

If at first you fall on your face the only acceptable response is to pick yourself up, refluff your hair, and go on bigger and better than ever. Wallowing in self-pity, or, worse yet, apologizing, is unacceptable. Even acknowledging that you bungled something is beau-coup unacceptable. It shows weakness, and being weak is far far worse than making a mistake. Moreover, if you hold your head high and you navigate a blunder carefully, most people will forget that you ever made one.

Material World

Today we had an enjoyable Econs lesson. We laughed quite lot when our lecturer told us about her conversation with her cousin. Our lecturer said they were out having lunch when the cousin looked at my lecturer's $100+ watch and said, "Peggy! Why do you still have that watch? You should buy one of mine.", and she pointed to her own Rolex. My lecturer thought that was kind of rude and asked, "Hey, what's the time now?" The cousin looked at her Rolex and said, "11:30." And my lecturer went, "Hey! Mine says 11:30 too!" She meant that she bought her watch to tell the time, while at the same time implying that her cousin uses her Rolex for something else altogether, which is, to put it bluntly, to show off.

I think the material world is so shallow. Living in a well-to-do country like Singapore, you see these people everywhere. LV bags, Emporio Armani suits, Gucci sunglasses... Some buy just because they can afford it. Others buy because they want to seem as if they belong to the upper class, even if they can't afford that branded bag but went ahead and spent that month's salary on it, and after that tightening their belts. These products are used to symbolize their positions in society. I think only the very rich people should spend their money on these luxuries. For example, this rich guy not only wears a Rolex, an Armani suit, but also drives a BMW and live in a high-end condo. People will think he's indeed very rich. As compared to this girl who lives in a lousy HDB, takes public transport, spends very little on food, but carries a Gucci bag. People will think she's shallow. That she's trying too hard to fit in the upper class society.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is a societal problem.

Global Warming

I've been watching Channel News Asia's documentaries on global warming. It's only now that I'm starting to get a little worried. I stress on the word 'little' cos I think most people think the same way, that global warming is a slow process, until the Earth becomes deep fried with the Sun's deathly rays, most of us will be long dead. But the process is speeding up. It's kind of scary, you know, the fact that most people don't give a fuck about the Earth they live on. In maybe 20 - 30 years, the sea level will rise by 7 metres. And that's quite a lot, you know, living in a country like Singapore. Go check out the Singapore River, that's the sea level.

Global warming is caused by the thinning of the ozone layer, which is the layer of atmosphere which blocks out most the heat emitted by the Sun. Now there's already a huge hole in the ozone layer, and this is causing the Earth to heat up. The icy cold places like the North Pole and Antarctica are heating up, too, causing the ice to melt rapidly. And the shocking thing is, this might gradually lead to the extinction of polar bears. The animal lover that I am, well, I love polar bears. Anyway, with the ice melting, which means that there are less ice, which means that polar bears can no longer wait at ice holes in the ice for seals to come up and breathe. See, seals use these holes to breathe, and that's when polar bears grab their chance and seize their meals. With less ice around, polar bears have to go into the icy water to catch seals now, resulting in more excercising and less food for the bears, resulting in polar bears getting thinner, resulting in extinction, cos skinny female polar bears can't give birth. And they are really getting slimmer! I mean, polar bears used to look to fat and cuddly and furry right. Now they just look long. Long and skinny. That's sad.

If you think you're not contributing to the warming of the Earth, you're wrong. Almost everything we do contributes to global warming. Turning on the lamp, washing our clothes in the washing machine, driving home... Everything. The Earth is heating up gradually, every minute, every second. And it's so... inevitable.

Here's how it all started...

I dunno why I felt like writing this. Maybe it's to remember how we felt at the beginning. We've been going on strong for 1 year and 2 months now. Here's the story of how me and my baby started: Two lonely people log on to IRC. We chat and kept in contact. After a while of knowing each other I realise his then relationship wasn't going too well. It was when he went with her to Taiwan for a week, that I realised I love him. In fact, I loved and missed him so much then, I wanted him go get back RIGHT THEN. I remember the night he was due back, I went out to my workplace to seek some company. I was waiting for his phone call while I peeled 60 century eggs with 小宏 and 小康. Then my phone vibrated on the kitchen table and 小康 went, "电话！电话" I quickly grabbed the phone despite my hands smelling of century egg and I've been so happy ever since. Anyway, a few days later somehow his relationship ended. Then I took the courage and met him. Things went slow. I found it hard to get use to. Him being much older. I was 16, him 28. But our relationship eventually improved. We had our first kiss in the Asian Civilization Museum. We sat on a bench to rest our legs. That's when his face came close. After that we both looked up at the same time and saw a security camera pointed straight at us. Then we walked away quickly. Although there has been ups and downs, I'm glad to say there has been mostly ups.

The most horrible times I've been through with him, I must say, was the week he spent at Taiwan, his two weeks of army at Australia, and that moment when I felt really lost. Other than those times, everything's been great. He's nice and thoughtful and kind and friendly and knows a lot. But he has a weird temper. But his weird temper shows up rarely, thank God. Yes, so that's the story. I love you, baby.

Complain!

I am complaining cos I thought he was going to meet me today,
but he went and agreed to meet his friend later on today.
Then I tell him I want to go Botanic Garden.
Then he tell me it's actually called Botak Garden.
If we go there, there will be monkeys chasing us and pulling our hair,
therefore we will all be botaks.
And there is a Loch Ness Monster in Botanic Garden.
-.-"