Out of the blue...

Something horrible happened on Tuesday. After lesson ended around 4.30pm, we went to the front to sign our attendance. Our lecturer was sitting at his desk watching us sign our attendance when suddenly his face looked funny, and his eyeballs rolled upwards. He was around a metre in front of me so I witnessed everything clearly. He then went into spasm and I thought he was having a seizure. But he looked as if he was having trouble breathing. A China girl called out, "Teacher! Teacher!" and some of them struggled to remove his tie so that he can breathe better. This was when it started to get scary. His head then rolled to the side and he almost fell off his chair. Some people helped him to lie on the floor and got his bag to support his head. The China girl then called out to him, “老师！老师，有没有药？”Our lecturer then started mumbling but his words were incoherent. One student put her finger in front of his nose and another one on his neck to make sure that he was breathing. But I think he stopped breathing after a while because a guy started doing CPR and breathing into his mouth. After around 5 mins they were still trying to revive him but there was no response. His face had turned purple and I knew it, there was no hope. A couple of girls cried.

I was scared. Scared shitless. My heart was thumping and I was thinking, "Oh no, oh no..." I was fearing the worst. Somebody had called the ambulance earlier but I didn't know when it arrived cos my friend said to me, “我们帮不上忙，我们先走吧。” and we left. I was trembling from head to toe whereas he was so calm. I am glad we left early because I don't think I would be able to hold it if the worst had happened and I had seen the paramedics had to cover his body with that white cloth... Everything happened so fast. I tried to tear my gaze away but I couldn't help but stare. I saw everything. From the way his eyeballs rolled towards the heavens and he started twitching until the guy doing CPR on him... I think that image is going to haunt me for quite some time. I called the bf afterwards and told him what happened. I collected my thoughts and tried to calm myself on the bus but I was still trembling when I went home. His twitching face kept popping back in my head. It was when I blurt it out to my ma that I burst out crying. I was freaking out so bad. I got so hysterical. I called the bf again and he consoled me.

Went to school the next day and learned about everything else that I didn't know. The atmosphere was so sullen the moment I stepped into class. I guess everyone was still reveling in the horrors of the day before. Our Business Econs lecturer gave us a little talk. She wanted us to "forget the way he died, but remember the way he lived" and for us to wipe that image off our minds. He was 47 when he died of a heart attack and stroke. I don't know which one came first. The ambulance arrived a little late. They were unable to revive him too. The school's manager and another guy came and told us the same thing, about what happened, and his funeral will be on Saturday. I don't think I will want to be there. It will bring back all those memories. They have decided not to let us use that classroom anymore and I'm grateful for that.

It was after this incident that I realised that life is so fragile, until the point of freaky. It was like anyone can just drop dead in front of you anytime. Literally drop dead. I have never in my life thought death could happen right in front of my eyes. And at that time, it was so sudden, too sudden. Death can happen at the moment when you least expect it. There's no hiding from the Grim Reaper. Not unless you kill him before he snuffs you out. I couldn't sleep that night, that image keep flashing back in my head. I think I won't be able to erase that scene from my mind anytime soon.

I thought that the guy who did CPR on him was brave. He knew he was already dead, yet he still breathed into his mouth to try to revive him. I wouldn't be able to do that. I was panicking a little, but calm enough to be able to look for help. But after the whole thing, after a while, I will just break down. Death is so unavoidable. When your time is up, you have to go. I realise now I'm fucking scared of dying.