A feeling of carelessness, having nothing to do, wasting the time away... I think you get it

I've got 3 days off. It's such a relieve, and at the same time it's also a pain. I've got too much time on my hands.

Ever since I returned back to work after the surgery, I was either working or out with the bf, never had one day off at home (which I used to have, a lot), but anyway, having some time to myself once in a while is nice.

Ethan is turning 1 year old soon, his birthday's this 19th Jan. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ETHAN! He's started walking, which is really great cos most babies only start walking after their 1st birthdays. Although he's a little wobbly now cos he hasn't got much strength in him cos he's having diarrhoea cos he's teething... Well.

More than 9 months of getting along with him, I've developed a very deep emotional attachment to this little boy. I practically love him as though he's my own flesh and blood. Just the other day, my ma forced his medicine into his mouth, but he resisted and cried a lot cos he absolutely hates medicine, he was crying so helplessly standing in front of me that I just reached out and grabbed him in my arms and patted his back to make him feel better. But he saw my ma holding the syringe and got scared and cried even harder and louder. All the while his arms were wrapped very tightly around my neck... Almost as if he was scared that I'd let go of him and he'd be taken by Monster Meds again. I could really feel how scared he was and I couldn't help it, I cried with him in my arms. And my ma got a little shocked when I started crying too and backed off with the syringe. Then Ethan got off me and saw my wiping my eyes and that's when he stopped crying and stared at me, questioning me with his eyes. I think I can understand what he's thinking, without verbal communication. He has eyes and expressions that can be read. Then I just smiled at him and dried my tears and that's when I noticed there was a huge blotch of white syrup on my sleeve. Apparently he had cleaned his mouth on my tee shirt while crying.

Such a poor little thing, sick when he doesn't want to be but still falls sick easily. It's so sad... Seeing him suffering this way. He's lost a lot of weight, even rejecting food for the first time. He's got no appetite and sometimes he moans and whimpers to himself. But I don't know where he's hurting or how uncomfortable he feels. If I could, I'll do anything to make him better.