435: Letting Go

My ah ma has gone.

434: My dream

I dreamt of my ah ma last night. After we received the news from Malaysia, my ma called my 1st aunt to ask her if she wants to go back and see ah ma for the last time, because she hasn't been back there for quite some time. Actually it's been years. And back when ah ma was healthy and fit enough to travel, at times she would come over to Singapore to visit us, and she would go and see my 1st aunt too. Actually, come to think of it, I have never seen my 1st aunt visit my ah ma in Malaysia before. I don't know the reason why but she just refuses to leave the country. She rarely even leaves her house.

The weirdest part of the dream was that my ah ma was healthy in it, ike 2 or 3 years ago. I really want her to be alright. I want her to be healthy. But I'm not really that close to her. Partly because I live in Singapore, and partly because I'm just one out of her 38 grandchildren. Come to think of it, when you are losing someone, you regret having not spend more time with that person. I just have to tell myself that this is part of life. People are born, people will die.

This is a photo of my ah ma, it was taken last year.

433: Tattoo blues

We went to Changi Airport T3 yesterday. Before that we went to Expo to see if there were any interesting things to see. But sadly there was only a furniture fair and a John Little sale. Then walked around a bit and went to T3. We had Popeye's chicken, as usual. Then walked around and sat at the place where we can view the planes. He leaned on my shoulder and napped for a bit, until my shoulder ached and I shrugged him off. 

Then we walked around and went to Harris bookstore. I saw this book about tattoos. I was super engrossed in it. It included the history of tattoos and all. And even had many many tattoo designs and the meaning behind each classification of each tattoo design. You know the genre of music I listen to, so easily I'm influenced by my idols. They have tattoos all over their bodies. It's like their bodies are the canvas for artists, in this case tattoo artists. 

So the bf came over and saw what I was reading, I told him I wanted this book. He wasn't too happy about it. Then I told him if I got this book, I might want a tattoo, and after the first one I will want more. He walked away. I put the book back. Then he sulked the rest of the way while sending me home. 

After that, on the phone I told him I will not have a tattoo, because I know he would be furious if I did. He told me it's my skin and my body. I can do whatever I like with it. But after a while, he told me that he will never allow me to get a tattoo, because it's ugly and dirty. Even if I got a small one, I will get a bigger one the next time.

I wanted to get a tattoo of Avenged Sevenfold's Deathbat, which looks like this:

But I realized that it's too rough. Then I decided I'm happy with just a small one. Maybe a 力量 on my wrist.

But that's the end of the story. I will never have a tattoo.

432: Update on this week

Monday

Family came back from Malaysia. Seems like there's nothing very very serious with my ah ma, but still, her time is nearing, but it may take a while. My sister found out that the BF stayed over, because I had forgotten to keep his towel, toothbrush, and shaver. And somehow my ma found out too. I think they were suspicious in the first place. They confronted me, I admitted, they didn't say anything after that. Teehee.

Tuesday

Went for a 4hr grooming course at work. The man taught us how to walk, to sit down, to iron our uniform properly blah blah. As if we didn't know all that already. The lady taught us how to apply make-up, match the colours of our make-up to our uniform, style our hair blah blah. This was kind of useful. They even had us take before-and-after photos, of us with and without make-up. They said they had to submit to HR. WTH. We got a box of make-up brushes and eye-shadow colours for free.

Wednesday

Common off day with the BF. It was also the first day of the launch for The Peak here at Toa Payoh, the DBSS flat that they have started to build now. We took our queue number and proceeded to wait for about an hour before our numbers were called and we went in. We met another one of the BF's army mates. I was so shy. His friends are all so adult-y. But I'm still so very young adult-y. You know what I mean.

Oh my gosh. I loved the 5-room high-ceiling living room, but it costs a frigging $720,000. The 4-room was okay, there wasn't a show flat for the 3-room. But the 4-room costs about $480,000. If I could I would buy the 4-room, but we can't afford that now. Sigh. What a waste, if it was under HDB and a lot cheaper, I'm sure we would have applied for a unit without a moment's hesitation. It's only a 5-mins walk from the MRT station, and right across the street from my parents' place. Haiz. If only.

Thursday

Work. Boring work.

Today

Went to Marina Square with Huling after work. Reached there at about 8.30pm, we had no time for dinner so I grabbed 2 breads from BreadTalk to munch while walking, while Huiling munched on her Subway cookies. We went to Marina Square because Huiling wanted to buy her jeans. I wanted to see if there were anything worth buying. But I saw nothing I liked, as usual. I want to shop! But can't seem to find anything I like. But the things I like are so frigging expensive, like that darned DBSS flat. SIGH.

431: Update

My family left for Malaysia on Saturday afternoon. My younger sister left me an sms and off they went. They've gone to see ah ma. One of my cousins would be driving down to Singapore so they can catch a free ride back.

I called them just now. My cousin and my aunt both answered the phone just after one ring. I guess they're anxious for any phone calls. I asked my ma how was ah ma doing. She said she's alright. She's eating porridge and drinking milk, so her stomach is not entirely empty. I asked if she can talk, my ma said yes, once in a while. She's got dementia, which makes her forget people. But ah ma remembers my ma, if she doesn't, my ma will be devastated. Ah ma doesn't recognize my pa, but it's not surprising, because it's been some time since my pa visited her. It's only right that he goes over now. I'm glad the situation isn't as bad as we thought. My ah ma even said to my family that there's no need to go see her, everything's fine.

The BF came over to stay with me last night, else I'll be alone at home, and who knows what kind of inner demons would be unleashed from the back of my head. I'll probably be thinking up loads of horrible things. But he's gone to work now, and I'll be alone tonight.

I'll just occupy myself with One Piece until I fall asleep. And hope they'll be back when I return from work tomorrow.

430: Looming death

Our family received bad news from Malaysia yesterday. Our grandmother's time is drawing near. My mother is able to take the news calmly, because she has already mentally prepared herself months ago. I hadn't expect it to be so soon. I am weeping as I write this post, because death in the family is my biggest weakness, it saddens and terrifies me more than anything.

Whatever conflicts or unhappiness at work or among friends, any unpleasantness going on right now is at the back of my mind. The only thing that is occupying my mind is my grandmother, I want to go back and see her for the last time, before it is too late.

I envy those who have their family close to them in Singapore. It's at times like this when all you want to do is to run over to see them, be with them, for the last few precious moments. But they are so far away.

I came home last night and saw my ma watching TV, but she rubbed her swollen and red eyes when she saw me, at once I knew that my mother is not as strong as I thought. I myself cannot imagine my own mother dying. I can feel the pain that my mother is feeling.

I cannot stand the solemn and dark air in the house.

429: Update

Work has been hectic for quite a while, but finally our financial year stock take is done. Time to rest. Am taking 2 days of annual leave this month, going to have some romantic-ness with the BF. It's been quite a while.

Tomorrow's Ubin plan has been canceled.

I realize that I'm tired. Of work, of friends, of trying to please people.

Give me a deserted island. I want to be alone for a little while.

428: Our 3 years :)

This day marks the 3rd wonderful year we've had together. He's grown up with me, and I've grown old with him. Lots of tears, laughter, and love...

I went to work, he's now at work. No big celebration for us. He's not the romantic type. I can't hold a knife to his throat and force him to be romantic, and anyway I'm not a romantic either. So this day is just any other day. But we're amazed at how fast time flies.


Love you, and I always will. ♥

427: My V-Day

My Valentine's Day was alright, though not a particularly good one this year because I wasn't feeling well and whining half the time. And then the BF ordered the wrong Korean food for me, it wasn't the one I wanted, and I whined super loudly. He looked a little upset. But it wasn't his fault.

I dunno how he's able to stand my whining. I whine like a 5 year old girl. I have to love him more for that.

426: The suay-est day I've had in quite a while

Yes, as you can tell from the title of this post, my day hasn't been good. I was about to go out of the house to head for work when I had a sudden urge to poo. I went to poo, and as a result I was behind schedule, so I rushed.

I jammed my ez-link card and staff pass into the pocket of my shorts and hurried out, without realizing that I had only put it in halfway. And then while I was walking towards the MRT station, that was when I realized that my staff pass and my ez-link card was gone, my pocket was empty. I guess that's how the story goes, for I had gone back the same path I walked several times, gone home to check, emptied out the contents of my bag, and even asked 2 cleaners downstairs if they had seen my card. Someone must have picked it up and put it in his/her pocket, and I hoped that the moment he/she put it in his/her pocket, he/she fell on his butt, or chased by a madman or whatever.

My ez-link card had about $28 value in it, and I have to pay $10 to replace my staff pass. The absolute thing I hate most is to lose money. DAMN IT.

425: CNY steamboat at Orlina's! :)

Was at Orlina's place last night for steamboat! It was a small affair which included, Huiling, Jia Xian, Orlina, Grace, You Se, Clayton, Annabel, Chen Cong, Elaine, and me. It was fun, with loads of laughter and good food. Towards the end, they brought out a birthday cake for me! My birthday's tomorrow by the way. Hahaha. Had fun. And Clayton thoughtfully gave me and Huiling a little voodoo doll as a little birthday gift. :)

Photos!

424: Happy Chinese New Year Eve!

The BF is over at my place now. He has to work tomorrow morning so he's over to stay for the night. My ma invited him over to have reunion dinner with us, because she has already declared the BF as her "half-son". Teehee. I'm glad that everything is going on well with the BF and my family. :)

423: Update

Forgot to blog about something reeeally exciting yesterday. Omg I can't believe I forgot about that, that was the climax of the day.

Okay, so the most exciting event of the day was..... The BF and I went to POSB and opened a joint account! I know, we've been talking about it for a couple of months, but we finally did it. It made us feel like husband and wife! We feel married now. :)


OH MY GAWWWD! I'M SO EXCITED NOW I FEEL LIKE JUMPING OUT OF MY CHAIR AND RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES!!!!!

Calm down. Calm down.

On a more futuristic and realistic note, we'd sort of came to an agreement that we are going to get married next year.

OH MY GAWWWWD!!!! NOW I'M OUT OF MY CHAIR AND RUNNING AROUND IN CIRCLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Calm down. Calm down.

Okay. Enough about that. Today I received my full timer name tag. I kept showing it off to everybody. But they only gave me the "Okay, that's enough" look. I've been wearing the old one for a year and a half now, I think I've got the most rotten-looking name tag of all the staff in the zoo.


Doesn't it look neat?

And while I'm showing off my brand new name tag, my ma is showing off the pot of 8 chrysanthemums that she got at the market for only $5.

422: MY OMNIA! (:

I got my Omnia yesterday! Whee hee!!!!! Although it's only the 8GB version (who needs the 16BG anyway, it's a waste of money and storage), I'm loving it cos it's blacccck. Because I wanted the Samsung Pixon in the first place (cos it's blaccck, and a black touch screen phone is way too coool), I realised that the price of the Pixon and Omnia 8GB are the same, so might as well get the Omnia, which is a SMARTPHONE and have so many many many functions than the Pixon. I did a lot of research before buying it, so I knew that it's truly the one that I want. Pixon is only a JAVA phone with an 8-megapixel camera, whereas the Omnia is a smartphone, and not to mention the 8GB internal memory.

Freebies-wise. The promotion included a free 1GB memory card (but who needs one, when I already have an 8GB internal memory?), and there was this CNY promotion lucky draw thing. I'm using the BF's handphone contract to buy this phone, because my N73 is giving up on me, or will give up on me soon, and I didn't want to hurriedly get a phone when it finally gives up on me, and since the BF's contract ended months ago, he let me use his contract to buy a phone, and I'll let him use mine when mine ends in September.

Anyway, about the lucky draw thing, the guy held a lucky draw box in front of the BF, so he put his hand in but didn't swirl and mix around the contents to choose one, he just put his hand in and pick up the one right at the top. He opened the card and guess what? He won a pair of Sennheiser earphones! The sales guy was a bit surprised, he said, "Wow, that's a good price." And I just giggled myself silly.

Unsurprisingly, I had a lot of difficulty using the Omnia at first. But it's a smartphone, it runs on Windows Mobile, it's very different from normal Java handphones. But I'm starting to get the hang of it. Overall, the Samsung Omnia is a great phone!

I just realised that I'm a gadget geek.

421: I was laughing hysterically when I was watching this :)

420: How I'm going to spend my off day

Today is Ethan Boy's birthday party but I'll be skipping it. My sis and ma are going, though. Am going to meet the BF later. Going to go buy Tong's birthday present later. Am quite excited about passing it to her tomorrow! :)

I'm turning 20. The BF's turning 32. How time flies.

419: The usual

Work was the usual boring shit. School holidays are over so there are generally less visitors to the zoo. Less tourists too, with the ongoing economic downturn.

Work didn't really seem like work today. Slacked around with Najib today.

Ahaha.

Ethan's birthday party is on Saturday! My favourite boy in the world is turning 2!

Wondering what he's doing now... :)

I think I'll go paint my toenails a deep shade of red. Again.

418: Update

I know I haven't been blogging. Yes yes yes I know okay shut up nobody cares.

Work is okay, love-life is good, s*x-life is great.

The BF's new job is okay too. He says the job sucks but whose job doesn't suck? His pay is good, though. That means I don't have to worry so much about our future. I'm just a teeny bit envious of his salary. A tiny bit.

As for me, I'm wondering how long can I possibly be able to tolerate working at the zoo. There are good and bad things, of course, once in a while everything is good, good, but then all of a sudden something bad happens and the happiness meter plummets all the way to the bottom, and then it tries excruciatingly hard to crawl its way to the top. Yes I'm trying, trying excruciatingly hard.

I think my fuck-care attitude has brought me kind of far, and I'm proud of it. It's like a "Nothing can beat me, I DON'T CARE!" attitude.

This blog post is excruciatingly painful to write because I can't think of anything to write. And people who type a few words in their blog posts, I think they're only wasting their time.

I'm addicted to quizzes on Facebook. I think I'll go and do another 20 or so.

By the way, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and an early Happy Chinese New Year to everyone, in case I don't blog again in the next 10 years.

417: Ethan came to visit!

Ethan and his family came over yesterday afternoon. Just after three months, he has grown so much. He's starting to look like a big boy now. Not like three months ago, when he looked like an overgrown baby. We had fun with him. And he's very smart too. He can count to ten, but he's not even 2 years old yet. :)










In the evening I went to meet the BF after work, to bring him over to my place, where he stayed the night. He has to wake up early to catch the first train to get to work, but unfortunately his workplace is at Little India and he stays at Jurong West, so even if he caught the first train of the day, he'd still be late for work. Since I'm staying at Toa Payoh, it's faster to get to Little India. So my ma granted him permission for him to stay over if he has to work on Sunday and public holidays. So last night was his first night. :)

416: Another zoo outing

Another Zoo outing again. This time round went with Suyi, 花姐, Auntie Su, Yi Xian, Valerie, Parinee, Kiam, and Orlina. Went to Kidzworld cos the plan was to play water at the water playground but I endup up sick, with a flu and sore throat due to the after effects of the flu jab. The rest didn't want to play too so only Auntie Su and Yi Xian played in the water playground.